J_HAMMERS

perfectly-psychotic:

When I was like 8 or something, I was home alone with my brothers and I was taking a bath just minding my own business. Then all of a sudden my dick was standing up and really hard and all that usual boner stuff. I didn’t know what it was because my family is full of assholes who didn’t tell me anything about puberty so I was freaking out. I literally started crying and screaming and I thought it was going to fall off and that I was going to have to go to the hospital and oh my god I think I can honestly say that it was probably the most terrifying thing I have ever experienced. So then my brother runs in and sees me and starts laughing uncontrollably so I start crying even harder because he used to only laugh at me when something really bad was happening to me and he called my other brother in there and they were both laughing and I was screaming at them to stop laughing while I was crying and asking them what it was and ugh it was terrible. So then when they calmed down they told me that it was a super power I had and all the boys in our family had it and that I just needed to learn to control it but I couldn’t talk about it with anyone but them because when you have super powers you can’t tell anyone or you’ll get jealous villains. So I kept my secret and I spent so long trying to control those powers and I got so frustrated because I couldn’t get it to come back no matter how hard I tried. Then a couple weeks later I got it again (when I wasn’t trying) and I was walking around the house all proud like “oh everyone look at my powers I got it” and my mom saw it and almost screamed and then she explained the truth to me it was really disappointing.

officially the funniest thing of my life